I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
