the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
