you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
