i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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