My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize