hotel room ftw
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
