I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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