this boner is exhausting
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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