Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
