You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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