Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
