I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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