meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
