I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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