Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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