i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
