I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
