the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
