Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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