I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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