Who did Billy Mays play for?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
