I puked a lego.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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