Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
