Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
