There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
