Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
