Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
