its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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