the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
