So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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