Fuck appropriateness.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
