Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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