she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
