OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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