Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
