Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
