I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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