Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
