just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
