I think I died a long time ago.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
