Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
