And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
