i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
