Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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