Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
