When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
