I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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