If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
