Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
