i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
