New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
