I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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