How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
